Losing myself and missing the moment forever
I wish when my sister, Clio asked me a few years ago to do a triathlon with her, I prioritised myself and just did it.
Instead, I enjoyed the dreaming said "yes" and thought "I don't have the time".
Clio passed away in 2024. 💔
On Sunday.
I finished the Blenheim Palace triathlon for me and for Clio.
Two daughters, two sisters and two mums with a silly dream of taking care of our health and doing something fun together.
As a women in my 40's who chose to be the primary carer in our home, I defaulted to prioritising everyone else’s needs above my own.
* I believed the stories keeping me busy - "I should", "It's fine", "don't worry".
* I let comfort and convenience happen to me so I could do more with less.
* I gifted my time to others to make them happy without monitoring impact.
The reality. I lost in part my sense of self, I stopped prioritising what I needed and lost sight of joy and play in ways that left me felling like I did not know who I was at times.
11 years ago, I also crashed out and got horribly injured in my last triathlon on the bike, resulting in a DNF (did not finish). 🫣
Training for another one did not feel good, it felt terrifying.
* Making time to train felt selfish,
* Investing in a trainer felt over the top
* Getting the kit organised put my ADHD brain into a total spin.
It was hard, I did not want to do it most of the time but I showed up for myself and I found a way for me and Clio it make it happen.
One training day at a time.
I genuinly suffered through most of the training. Failing, crying, getting injured and sick. Yet in all of it, I refused to quit and I knew the hard was growing me.
Everytime I finished a workout, there was pride. There was possibility. And I had a purpose because I had made Clio a promise.
The greatest gifts from all this crazyness has been...
* Reminding myself I CAN do it, I WILL do it and I DID it!
* Your health is your Wealth. It is the the best investment you will ever make.
* When you raise your standards, others meet you there and life gets better.
Clio met me at the finish line as a dragonfly which in our family represents those who have passed.